Whispers and Murmurs...

All around the world the earth is starting to rumble. At this point it is just mere whispers and murmurs but hopefully by the end of the week we'll have a full blown explosion of referrals. I'm really following this batch closely because it will give me some sort of idea where we will fall with our referral and this should be a big batch of referrals.
People lets keep our fingers crossed for a huge batch of referrals this month!

I'll post the stats when they are released.

A week in review

Since I've been sick a few things have happened in the adoption circle that I thought I would bring you up to date on.

Deb and Kirk have arrived home safe and sound with Olivia (you can check out their website on my blog under the website section and it is called Olivia's blog), friends of ours have finally adopted their foster son (yay Heather and Fred!) and are continuing to plod along with their Russian adoption. (guys, the hubby and I are keeping our fingers crossed for you that your referral comes soon!) and another mom in waiting has just recieved her precious son's referral. He is 2 years old and from the WCP in China (waiting children's program). They have decided to name him Daniel and they are now waiting for their travel approval to come (travel time should be around the summer). He is such a handsome little man too! You can see Daniel under my website section and it is called Daniel's blog.

Finally, 5 families have just left for China to pick up their babies. They are all from the same orphange and are quite young. Their gotcha day will be on Monday so check out the link I have under my website section called Maggie's blog. There will be a CBC interview about it sometime around March 16 so keep an eye out for that too.

Well, that's my week in review for baby news.

Round n Round it goes, Where it stops no one knows...

Well, I'm finally back on the mend after a horrible week of the flu. You know, I never really knew just how many avid readers I have collected with my blog. Glad you decided to join me and please keep reading!

Back to my title for today's post. I thought it was fitting as this past Sunday, February 25th was 5 months since we have been logged in. Now the question is, will it be 18 months till referral as I had predicted or 24 months as our agency has said. I've decided that I'm still going to work with the 18 month prediction. The hubby and I discussed it over the weekend and when we retraced our adoption steps we noticed a pattern of sorts. We first decided that we would register to adopt domestically. We were told that we would be placed on a wait list for 10 years. Yikes! Then, we decided to adopt internationally and again, we were told we would be in for a LONG wait of at least a year to begin Pride. The actual wait to complete Pride for us came down to 4 months. The process could not be straight forward for us - nope, we decided to build a house and put the paper chase off for about a year and when we decided to pick it up again this past summer we were told that with vacations etc. it would take till at least November before our file would finally be sent to China and logged in either Dec '06 or Jan'07. What happened? Yup, our file was sent and logged in on Sept. 25, 2006.

Now, as I've said before my mind is a calculating mind. I believe that things tend to fall out of the sky for me when I least expect it and that being the case I have this gut feeling that 18 months is more probable than 24. Perhaps its just my stubborn streak refusing to give into the horrid idea that the adoption agency may be right over me. Plus, it is the year of the Pig and I am a Pig so this is MY year - 18 months it shall be then. (My, oh my, won't people be laughing if it turns out to be 24 months!) Bottom line, round -n- round it (the CCAA) goes, where it stops no one knows.... 18 or 24, what shall it be?

Hmmm, I wonder, is it possible to go around for a year with eyes, toes, fingers and anything else crossed without inflicting any kind of long lasting medical condition upon oneself?

Golden Lotuses

Its really funny how my mind works. I was TOTALLY bummed this Friday past with the news of the longer wait time before referral and by late Friday night my mind started to wander. Association can be an interesting thing. My mind wandered from can't go to not being able to travel to feet... of course, my love of all things Chinese kicked in and the next thing I know I'm thinking about history and foot binding. The associations make sense right? I'm stuck, can't travel to get Jade therefore I'm bound here in good ole NL for longer than expected. So I thought why not- blog time again. This practice has always fascinated me so settle in for a discussion on the ancient tradition of foot binding. All I ask is that you try to remove yourself from the "Western" perspective and examine it in Chinese terms. ( I've included two pictures but you need to click on the picture of the girl to really see her feet. Those 'little' shoes are amazing aren't they!)

Foot binding was an ancient Chinese custom of beauty and torture. It was passed from mother to daughter and from generation to generation. It was achieved by bending a young girl's (usually when she reached the age of 5 or 6) toes so that they pointed inward eventually breaking the arch of the foot and the whole process took two years to complete. They often began the binding in the fall as they believed that the cold weather would numb the pain. They would begin by soaking the feet in hot water to soften the skin, the feet were massaged and then bound with strips of cotton cloth two inches wide and ten feet long. They left the big toe alone and exposed for it was needed for balance. When they finished binding the feet the rest of the cotton strips were tied and she was forced to walk which quickly broke the arch of the feet. At the end of two years the girl was unable to walk without assistance.

The tradition began in the mid 10th century in the royal palaces of the Tang dynasty and ended during the 17th century when the practice spread to the lower class.The Chinese believed that the best shaped feet were tiny. The perfect foot could be no more than three inches long. The tiny feet were called 'golden lotuses'. If a girl's feet were more than 3 inches long she would be viewed as undesirable and un-marriageable ( it was said if a girl did not have bound feet she was more of a man than a woman and bound feet brought with it a MUCH higher bride price). A man's status was linked to his wife's bound feet. It meant he was wealthy enough to support an idle woman. Women in those days had to work in the fields and those who had their feet bound couldn't, they stayed home and 'lounged'- this was a symbol of wealth. Unbound feet began to be associated with lower class and rough work.
Many families bound their daughter's feet to show that they had a good reputation.
Men believed if they had a wife with bound feet it meant she was incapable of cheating on him or leave the marriage. Men thought that bound feet enabled a woman to walk like a flower blowing gently in a breeze making them graceful, erotic, sensual and respectful.

So, to sum it up, bound feet and the young age of the girls made them very desirable. They brought in a high bride price and were married off young. Men found bound feet highly sensual and that believed she would be faithful to the marriage.


Finally, during the Qing dynasty uprisings against the foot bindings began. The ruling family didn't believe in binding and called to have it abolished. Missionaries who entered China at the end of the Opium Wars saw the deformed feet and called it torture. Binding went from a symbol of beauty to a symbol of oppression and barbaric.
Foot binding had lasted 1,000 years before the Republic of China officially outlawed it.

Beauty or torture? I guess it all depends on which side of the fence you are standing on.

What the!

I just received a newsletter from our agency informing us that the wait time till referral has gone up YET AGAIN!!. We were logged in on September 25, 2006. We were told then that our referral would come approximately 16 months later which would have been December 2007 or January 2008 travel to follow shortly after.

Well, not any more! We have been told to expect AT LEAST a wait time of 24 months. I thought we finally got to countdown not up! This 24 month wait means we MIGHT get a referral in September 2008 and travel in October/November of 2008. Good Grief Charlie Brown!

That being said I guess it is really out of our hands and we just have to sit and wait some more.

I don't think I have anything else to say at this point, my 'faces' say it all.

Questions and more Questions

I've decided that since I'll be;

1. over the moon completely when I finally reach 'gotcha day' and

2. Won't have a singe coherent thought in my brain

I'll post a list of questions to ask the Orphanage people now. (that is, assuming I'll GET to ask anyone questions) It will also be a huge part of Jade's early life story to have even if some of them are not answered.

Anyone who would like to use the list for their own, go for it as you, too, will probably be over to moon and thoughtless during your 'gotcha day'. I found this on the Rumor Queen site (I think.... I read way too much!) and I felt they were relevant.

1. Where/how was she found and on what date?
2. Who found her?
3. How do you know her age?
4. Was there a note or any other mementos found with her?
5. Who chose her name and why? Does it have any special meaning?
6. Is there a nickname you call her?
7. How was her health the first year?
8. Any prior illnesses, accidents or injuries? If so, what was the treatment. (good question to get an answer - wonder could we get the answer in writing for medical purposes back home?)
9. Does she have any known allergies?
10. Has she had immunizations?
11. What kind of food is she eating now? How much? When?
12. What are her sleeping habits - how much does she sleep and when? Does she sleep on her tummy or back?
13. Does she have any dislikes,likes, sensitivities?
14. What is her personality like? What makes her happy?
15. What makes her angry/upset?
16. How can I calm/soothe her when she cries?
17. Was there a particular person she was attached to?
18. Was there one person who took care of her at the ophanage or many? Did she go home with someone at night or sleep at the orphanage?
19. Does she drink from a bottle or a cup?

Now I know some of these questions will be answered when we receive her profile but it never hurts to ask them again in person. You never know what answer you'll get or what other information it might lead to.

Foster Care or Orphanage Care and Emotions

what shall it be for Jade and what may Ray and I be faced with in terms of grieving and emotions? This topic has had me wracking my brain for months and I've researched it endlessly.

I've come to learn that the babies can be grouped into two categories;
the first are those that have received orphanage care only. They will be the babies come 'gotcha day' that remind me of a deer caught in headlights. They will show little or no reaction when placed in the arms of a stranger (terrible I know but that's what we are to them). They will often stare, are quiet and in shock. The second category will be those babies that have been in foster care. They will be the ones howling their heads off; screaming and flailing their little bodies around trying to find their caregivers. They are the ones that learned early on through foster care that crying will have their needs met and if they cry long and hard enough their caregivers will come and take them away from the strange smelling/sounding people and back to the comfort they have come to know.The orphanage babies on the other hand have learned that crying is useless as no one comes to sooth them.

Then guilt can enter the equation. I've often wondered how many parents have felt this. When they have a screaming or delayed baby (by delayed I'm referring to the orphanage babies - no outward emotion - not delayed as in there is something wrong with them) in their arms for the first time do they feel a little guilty or apprehensive. I understand that parents have been waiting with anticipation for up to 3 years or more but when you are faced with a baby's tear streaked face, little grief wracked body and questioning eyes, longing for their life as they have grown to know it, wouldn't you, even just a little, question whether or not you were doing the right thing - after all, you may have been waiting for this baby for three years but the baby hasn't been waiting for you. I've been wondering about this as I've read posts where parents are actually dreading 'gotcha day' often expressing their hidden anxiety over taking the babies away from all that they have ever known.

When I dig a little deeper I come to the conclusion that perhaps it really isn't anxiety and guilt as much as it is nerves. Lets look at it for a minute. Everyone, no matter where they live in this world, pretty much goes through the same steps when they adopt, give or take a few added bumps in the road along the way. You decide to adopt, contact the appropriate persons, begin the home study (suffer though it), the paper chase, the approval, translations and finally the file is off to China. Then you wait. You wait for the DTC date(for those of you who are not familiar with China lingo DTC means document to China), then you wait for the LID date (again, China lingo for Log in date). THEN, when you Think you can finally stop holding your breath and breathe again the the first time in about a year you realize you are not out of the woods yet. You now need to watch the CCAA (China Center of Adoption Affairs) website daily for the "The CCAA has finished the review of the adoption application documents registered with our office before...) Those of you not familiar with the CCAA what I'm referring to here is the CCAA has logged in your file but now someone needs to review it with a fine tooth comb to make sure all is peachy keen with them. They may not pass your file though to the matching stage if they have questions and would like more detailed information e.g doctor's note concerning a medical condition etc. All of this and you still have not been "matched". Who in their right mind would not be a basket of nerves by now? O.K, let's move on and say our file has passed the inspection phase and is now in the matching room. What happens next? You guessed it! We wait again. Add to this, financial issues, the hope that nothing changes in your health and wondering what the baby will look like, will she/he be healthy, is she/he being loved, what kind of conditions are they living in, are people being kind to them etc - you get my point.

Finally, the day of all days actually arrives and you are staring at the precious picture you've been waiting to see for YEARS. What happens now is a whirlwind of activity. Rush to the doctor to make sure all is well, contact the agency to let them know you accept the baby, tell family and friends, get the nursery ready (if you haven't already), shop till you drop, pack, re pack, wait again, this time for travel approval and most of all secretly worry -about what- everything.

You know, I've heard people say that everything falls into place when you get that picture but it makes me wonder. To me, I look at it as just another chapter. The waiting and anxiety still continues. It continues when you get on the plane, arrive in China and seems to explode in the hours, minutes and seconds before the 'gotcha moment'. I really don't think that deep down people are questioning whether or not they are doing the right thing. When you first contact the adoption agency you've already made up your mind that it IS the right thing for you. I think every little step in the adoption journey builds up inside of us and when you finally reach the gotcha moment you let it all out and sometimes people confuse this 'emotion' with anxiety or grief/guilt. (I'm not saying ALL people experience this but from my readings it does happen and seems to be more common than I ever would have thought)

What does the road ahead hold for Jade and us, who knows, but I do know I will be uptight, anxious and even a little scared BUT I will NEVER question whether or not I'm doing the right thing - I know I am, how about you?