Why the long wait?

The 'hubby' was checking out the blog last night and brought it to my attention that I have not posted as much this month compared to last month. I think in a 'nice' way he was telling me to pull up my socks and get back to gabbing so I'm heeding his advice and it occurred to me that a lot of people don't understand why we are waiting so long. I say this because every time someone askes how's the adoption going we say "oh, we have to wait a bit longer" the response is always the same, "Whats taking so long?" Well, here's why.

The wait is so long due to a number of reasons.

One is due to the number of adoption files registered at the CCAA. Remember, China is the preference of the adoption community so there are millions of files being received and logged in EVERY DAY from ALL over the world so its not just the "hubby" and I. When these files are received at the CCAA they are grouped, colour coded and sit on a shelf waiting to be looked at. Basically we have to wait our turn.

Another reason contributing to the long wait is China's economic growth and the standard of living (in some provinces) has improved. This affects the adoption community in three major ways. The first is that people have more money so, if they have a second child, they now have an option, they can afford to pay the Govt fine imposed on them for having the second child. This brings me to the second reason. People abandon less babies so there are less in the orphanages which means a longer wait because there is a larger number of people wanting to adopt than there are babies to go around. The thrid reason for the long wait is that China has realised they will have an uneven gender population. Simply put, there will be a tonne of men but no women (They have all been adopted internationally) therefore the Chinese Govt. has begun an in-country incentive to promote adoption. The result, more Chinese people, because they have more money and want to have a child/children are adopting from their own orphanages therefore less babies available for international adopters. Mind you, I think this is wonderful because if there is a chance that a baby can be adopted into their own culture so be it.

As well, the wait is made that much longer because not all orphanages in China are registerd with the CCAA. The impression of the CCAA is that many of these unregistered orphanages do not want the hassle in filling out the paper work for the CCAA and would rather just leave the babies in the orphanages so they can secure Govt. subsidies as well as their jobs. There is much discussion on "paper-ready babies" lately and apparently the CCAA is currently actively pursuing these orphanages to sign up so that there will be more babies available. This would cut down on the long wait for international adopters.

For me, this last reason is a catch 22 of sorts. It is wonderful news that if these orphanages were to get on board with the CCAA more babies would find homes and the wait would possibly decrease. Now I could leave it at that but anyone who knows me, knows that I have to analyize it. I worry sometimes about this because the orphanages currently signed on with the CCAA have been for years. These orphanages and the babies that reside in them, through international adoption have benefited immenseley. Think about it, every single adoptive couple (and remember they are from all over the world) is required to make a 3,000.00 to 6,0000.00 donation to the orphanage they are adopting from. Now, out of this money the orphanage buys essentials (Fridges, walkers, food, toys, clothing, updated medical care,increases the nanny's pay, washers, dryers and even build new state of the art orphanages - you get the point) So, naturally every baby/child that comes from these orphanages is getting more and more on target developmentally, less health issues due to malnutrition etc. So, I can't help ponder over what the 'new paper ready babies' will be like. We, as adoptive parents will have to take on more responsibility. These babies will be weak, frail and probably sick, developmentally who knows what stage they will be at. (Now, before you get your knickers in a knot I'm not saying that all the babies coming from the familiar orphanages are picture perfect-some are'nt BUT there is a certain predictability on what to expect)The question for me is, do I want some sort of predictability and endure the LONG wait or do I want a speedy pickup and a child with more unpredictability referred to me?

So, now you know the reasons for why we have to wait.

I couldn't resist!

The dog lover that I am just had to post this. Jade, Charlotte (our four year old Chocolate Lab) and Sophie (our 2 year old West Highland White Terrrier) are sending you kisses wherever you may be.

What do I say?

Since the hubby and I have started the adoption journey I've been approached many times by parents on their way to China requesting a list of Chinese phrases to learn so they may "speak" to their precious gifts during their first minutes, hours and days together. Well, I've found a list of the most commonly used phrases and decided to post them here with a link (to hear the correct pronunciation). You'll also notice that there are numbers after each word. These numbers tell you which tone the word is to be spoken in. I suggest you click on the link to see if you can here the tones. Practice and enjoy!

1. You are beautiful - Ni3 zhen1 piao4 liang.
2. You are safe with us - He2 wo3 men zai4 yi4 qi3, hen3 an1 quan2.
3. We are your forever family now - Jin1 hou4, wo3 men jiu4 shi4 ni3 yong3 yuan3 de jia1.
4. Do you want water - Ni3 he1 shui3 ma?
5. Are you thirsty - Ni3 ke3 ma?
6. Are you tired - Ni3 lei4 ma?
7. Do you want to eat - Ni3 xiang3 chi1 dong1 xi ma?
8. Does it hurt - Teng2 ma?
9. Are you hungry - Ni3 e4 ma?
10. Be good! - Guai1 yi4 dianr3!
11. Cheer up - Gao1 xing4 yi4 dianr3.
12. Come over - Lai2!
13. Come to Mom - Dao4 Ma1 Ma zhe4 lai2.
14. Father (Dad)- Ba4 ba
15. Give me the toy - Ba3 wan2 ju4 gei3 wo3.
16. Go potty? (pee, to a small child)- Yao4 niao4 ma?
17. Go potty? (poo, to a small child) - Yao4 la1 ma?
18. Go to Dad - Zhao3 Ba4 Ba qu4!
19. Good boy (girl)!- Ni3 zhen1 guai1!
20. Grandma / Grandmother (dad's mother)- Nai3 Nai3
21. Grandma / Grandmother (mom's mother, northern Chinese vernacular)- Lao3 Lao
22. Grandma / Grandmother (mom's mother, southern Chinese vernacular)- Wai4 Po2
23. Grandpa / Grandfather (dad's dad)- Ye2 Ye
24. Grandpa / Grandfather (mom's dad, southern Chinese vernacular)- Wai4 Gong1
25. Honey - Bao3 bao.
26. I love you - Wo3 ai4 ni3
27. I will come back for you (or I will be back later.) - Wo3 yi4 huir3 jiu4 hui2 lai2.
28. It's OK - Bu2 yao4 jin3 Or Mei2 guan1xi.
29. It's dinner time - Gai1 chi1 fan4 le
30. It's time for bed - Gai1 shui4 jiao4 le.
31. Let's go - Zan2 men zou3 ba Or simply Zou3 ba.
32. Let me pick you up. (Or Pick up)- Rang4 wo3 bao4 bao ni3 Or Bao4 bao.
33. Let's read a book - Zan2 men nian4 shu1 ba
34. Mother (Mom)- Ma1 ma
35. No more crying - Ni3 bie2 ku1 le.
36. No. (not to permit)- Bu4 xing2.
37. No. (to negate)- Bu2 shi4.
38. Pick up the toy - Ba3 wan2 ju4 jian3 qi3 lai2.
39. Put away the toy(s). It's time to eat - Ba3 wan2 ju4 fang4 xia4. Gai1 chi1 fan4 le.
40. Put the toy(s) there - Ba3 wan2 ju4 fang4 zai4 nar4.
41. This is your dad - Zhe4 shi4 ni3 de ba4 ba.
42. Want to go to the bathroom (to an older child)- Xiang2 qu4 ce4 suo3 ma?
43. What do you want to eat - Xiang3 chi1 shen2 me?
44. Teddy Bear - Xiao3 xiong2
45. Yes! (to permit)- Xing2.
46. Yes. (to affirm)- Shi4 (de).

Here is the link to learn the above phrases. http://www.wku.edu/~yuanh/AudioChinese/parent.html

Pre-Referral Illnesses

I found this absolutely hysterical! I read it on the Rumor Queen site and just had to post it.

Symptoms those in the "referral holding pattern" are prone to;

1. CSA - Chair shaped arse - resulting from an inability to move away from the computer - even when sleeping

2. HPO - Hideous Pimple Outbreaks - from excessive quantites of chocolate inhaled at 1/2 hour intervals due to raw nerves

3. APB - Allocation Pattern baldness - from the relentless removal of head hair from the root

4. Bleeding from the ears - From a tendency to repeatedly place fingers in the ears while shouting "la,la,la, I can't hear you" whenever your wait to referral increases

5. PBS - Plump Blimpie Syndrome - the result of #1 and #2 combined

6. RCS - Roller Coaster Stomach - no explaination needed!

The only known cure for these symptoms is a couple of tylenol (or a bottle of wine, your choice) and a referral!

The man behind the name

Since Saint Patrick's Day is fast approaching I thought it would be nice to talk a little about the man, Saint Patrick himself. I've noticed over the past few years this holiday has become increasingly more popular and it got my little brain started (when my brain kicks in there's no stopping it). Once I craned my neck to see past all the hoopla of green hats, pots of gold, shamrocks and green beer (thank God that one only surfaces once a year!) I realised that I didn't know much about the man himself. Well, that's not entirely true, I know all about how he suspposedly chased all the snakes from Ireland, but beyond that I knew nada. Horrible isn't it. ('m not Catholic and not very religious - I know there are tonnes of people out there who could tell me all about him, but come on, cut me a little slack and humor me) Added to this, I've come, embarrassingly enough, to associate Saint Patrick with those little jolly Leprechauns (damn that commercialised retail society we live in!). So, with an itch that needed scratching I set out on yet another research mission to find out who the heck the man behind the name really was.

Who was Saint Patrick? Well, sit down and let me tell you...

He is the patron Saint of Ireland and one of Christianity's most widley known figures yet he and his life remains somewhat of a mystery. His is a life that has been abound with numerous stories, one of which being the famous casting out of all the snakes in Ireland (which has been proven false by the way). But, who was he?

He was born in Britain to a wealthy family during the 4th Century. Surprisingly enough, his family was not a very religious one. When he turned 16 years old he was captured on his family estate by Irish raiders. These Irish bandits brought Patrick to Ireland where they kept him prisioner for 6 years and it was during this captivity that he looked to religion for comfort. While in captivity he also had a dream. In this dream he believed God spoke to him telling him to escape. He listened and escaped fleeing to Britain. Once there, he experienced another dream, this time it was an angel that appeared. The angel wanted him to return to Ireland and preach. He followed the angel's advice and returned to Ireland with the intension of becoming a Missionary. During his time spent in Ireland he noticed that much of the religion practiced in Ireland was pagan based (even the Christians) and he decided to incorporate these traditional Irish rituals into his Christian preachings. The best example of this is the "Celtic Cross". Patrick had the Sun (an extremely imprortant Celtic symbol) fused on to the Christian Cross and it is still widely recognised today. He also decided to intermix Irish lore and culture in his Christian teachings as well and this may be why there are so many stories surrounding the life of St. Patrick now. Lastly, it is believed that he died on March 17.

That is what I've found. Does it answer my question of who was Saint Patrick? Well, it's a start. Perhaps I'll plan a trip to Ireland and see what else I can dig up. Interestingly enough, I was in Britain a couple of years ago and not once did I hear or see anything that was linked to Saint Patrick but for now, my brain is statisfied with this little peek into his life so I shall leave it alone.

On Saint Patrick's Day, when you have your green beer in hand and you raise your glass to give a "Slainte" (a toast) perhaps you'll remember my little post and choose to say one of these little ditties;

1. May God bring good health to your enemies enemies.
2. May you live to be a 100 years, with one extra year to repent
3. May you be in heaven one half hour before the Devil knows your'e dead
AND my personal favorite;
4. Here's to you
Here's to me
The best of friends we'll always be
But if we ever disagree
Forget you here's to ME!

Happy Saint Patrick's Day everyone!

A beautiful name for a beautiful baby wherever she may be

I just came across the meaning of the name Jade. (The Chinese character and pinyin for Jade is found on the blog on the right hand side) The meaning of Jade connotes honor and conviction - also beauty, grace and purity; often shows the love felt for the person named. Everything I hope my daugter grows up to be; A perfect name.

Look who's talking!

Recently I've noticed much commotion on a hot topic called "Signing". I don't know if this is new or if it has been around for a while and has now just become mainstream. I admit the idea of talking to Jade before she can speak has me intrigued. Hey, anything that keeps the tantrums and frustration to a minimum is a BIG bonus to me and God knows we'll have enough to deal with when we come home. I also thought that it would be worthwhile to post about this for those mommies that will return from China with a toddler who can speak Mandarin but Mommy can't - yikes!! (Do you hear me Carolyn?!) Some of you may be familiar with this concept so if you are and you know some good books or just want to give me your opinion please comment.

I've been reading up on the subject and here is what I've learned so far;

The crux of signing is communication (I know you've already figured that one out!). Through signing you will be able to figure out what she wants, needs, sees and even remembers. Babies develop their body muscles LONG before they can speak and they LOVE to mimic so doesn't it make sense to avail of this "communication"? I also look at it as a great way to further that bonding and attachment.
Perhaps this should be included in the PRIDE discussions.... hmm.. if I ever get a chance to serve on one of those panels......

So far so good, now, how and where would I start? I read some more and learned that it was easy; all you needed to do was begin with the basics. The basic signs revolve around 'needs' (makes sense doesn't it) so you have a sign for milk, eat, drink, more, hot, cold, diaper (I guess that means she'll tell you she needs a new one), help, sleep, Mommy and Daddy. (one sign we've all been taught is to wave bye-bye - see you can do it!)

Start with one sign and show them the sign during the activity, for example feeding time. You then continue to use the sign before and after the activity and continue to show the baby the sign every time the activity is repeated. The key, is repetition and consistancy. Remember that they are babies and some will grasp the concept much quicker than others. It is important that when they do get the hang of it to be outwardly excited and full of praise.

As you and the baby become comfortable you'll add more signs thus increasing vocabulary, bonding and communication. (I would continue to use the signs until Jade could talk).

I'm going to research this further and see if I can come up with some books etc. so I'll post what I find.

My Sanity and Control have returned but a slave no more will I be.. (I think)

for a while anyway. The CCAA has decided to keep the public date box viewable for a little while longer. That being said I've decided not to pay any more attention to the CCAA or Rumor Queen. From now on I will not horde away feverantly crunching numbers trying to estimate TOA (time of arrival) for Jade's referral. Simply put, I will chaulk it up to the fact that Jade is not ready for us yet and when she is she'll let us know. If it happens that she is ready for us and I don't have a single hair left on my head, no teeth and need a walker (at the slugs pace that the CCAA is working lately that is how long it will take) then that's when I'll deal with it. I'm tired of being a slave to the numbers. I think I will lounge in a state of delusion - I hear its quite lovely there. Don't worry avid fans, I'll still find the time to blog! Well, I'm off to pack my bags for delusion island and I'll write soon. Now, where did I put that sunblock..hmmmm

International Working Women's Day in China

For those of you who don't know, Thursday, March 8 is International Working Women's Day in China. Some of you may have heard that in China there is a holiday in March well this is it. On this day women employees get either a half or full day off from work (paid) and apparently it is popular to give women heart shaped roses called soap roses. (the picture above shows a young lady with them)

I wonder how far China has come in terms of feminism and women's rights? Speaking of rights, if I can find my notes I'll post about divorce in traditional China. Its unbelievable the grounds for which a man could divorce.

Anyway ladies, enjoy the 8th and as a collegue of of mine used to say "You go, girl!" so give yourself a well deserved pat on the back for how far we have come and what we have achieved.

Perhaps you just 'might' find some soap roses waiting for you too! (with a little gentle prodding of the hubby of course!)

Hey! Who turned out the lights?!

I can't see! Come on, turn them back on! Please, pretty please?

Wondering what I'm ranting about? Well, as you know I've been following the CCAA website very closely this month. For anyone who is not familiar with the CCAA site there is a information box on their homepage which tells what date they have matched to and what date they have reviewed to. This little box is extremely important as it allows you to follow your file. Every month the CCAA updates this box when they send out the new referrals. I have come to call this little date box my 'sanity' box. Its where all my hopes and prayers are kept and it is the only thing that helps keep my sanity. That is, until now.....

According to the Rumor Queen (RQ) site, from now on my 'sanity box' will be no more. The Rumor Queen said that the CCAA has implemented a new policy whereby only agencies will be privy to the date information. These agencies will have a login code and will be the only ones who can access this information. The CCAA will not be updating the date box for the general public to view.

Now, what do you think the odds are that the agencies will be releasing the date information to waiting families, and, if they do, who is to say that you will be receiving the correct date information? I say this because my agency sent out a memo last week stating that they received word from the CCAA that matching had not begun, yet, on the Rumor Queen site referrals were mailed out and some countries were receiving them as of today. They (RQ) are saying that in this little private box the CCAA is stating that they have have matched files with a LID up to October 24, 2005.

I really don't like this. I mean come on, how am I supposed to know what stage our file is at and if it is out of the dreaded review room? By taking away my sanity box I've lost my deluded perception of having some sort of control. Do I have to lose this too? I'm a control freak for those that don't know me and as far as I'm concerned I have had no real control since I started this adoption. I've only pretended I've had it...

I was never afraid of the dark before but I am now. Jade, where are you? I can't see, its too dark! Can someone turn the lights back on and give me a shred of control? No answer huh...

Sitting, waiting and fretting in the dark...

CBC

Please do watch the CBC supper newshour next Monday. They will be airing part 1 of a story about a NL family that just left for China to bring home their baby. The 2nd part will air after they return from China on March 16.
so again, please tune in to the CBC newshour on Monday, March 5th.