A glimmer of hope and my cup runn'th over with rumours

No, it can't be. It just can't be! Is that a little ray of light I see peeking through? Please tell me it is and that my eyes aren't deceiving me. I've been in this dreary fog for so long that I'm weary; I'm used to being in the dark.

O.k. enough with the metaphors. Today I learned that the CCAA has managed to match 5 whole days of files during April. This deserves a big woo hoo for it means that October 2005 is finally finished! There were earlier predictions that the CCAA would take up to 3 more months to match the remaining 5 days in October 2005. This is big news because the last 5 days of October 2005 were huge in terms of the # of files logged in. Sadly, no word on how far the CCAA is in the review room but at least I know 2006 files are in there. I hope this means a pick up in referrals in the coming months.

Now, on to the latest rumours. There are some floating about that the word has come down to the CCAA to clear up the back log of files ASAP.(numbers of between 25,000 -30, 000) This is wonderful if true; hopefully we'll get to China before 2010 as predicted. (I shudder every time I hear that number) I guess we'll have to wait and see what happens.

There is another rumour as well. Many believe that the China Adoption program has begun to shift gears so to speak; THEY say we are witnessing the phasing out of IA (international Adoption) for NSN (non-special needs children) and seeing a focus on IA for SN (special needs children) instead. THEY say that SN will be the only children available for the IA program in the future and all of the NSN children will be filtered into the domestic program. I have to agree that this seems to be the case.

Another rumour is only confirming what I have said for years. Some believe that China is beginning to wean itself away from the IA program altogether. There was an article in this past weekend's Globe and Mail discussing China and the use of ultrasounds to determine the sex of a child. In China, ultrasounds are illegal but many people still use them without the Govt's knowledge. If they find that they are carrying a girl they often abort the baby regardless of the trimester. While this article does not mention IA it leaves the reader wondering how much longer IA will continue in China. This is closely tied with the 1 child policy in China. This policy will stay in affect until 2015 when it will then need to be renewed. The question is with the CCAA's new emphasis on domestic adoption and increasing economic growth will 2015 signify the end of IA adoption in China? Really, it is anyone's guess what China will do but my gut instinct tells me that "the hubby" and I will be one of the last lucky few who will get the honour and pleasure of bringing home their china doll. By the end of 8 years the China program could be slim to none for IA. The rumour is that Africa (thanks to Angelina and Madonna?) will be the new China in terms of IA. Who knows. Again, wait and see.

The China program has been a wonderful program in the past and any mention of the program closing leaves me with a heavy heart but for today I will not look too far into the future. Today, I have a shred of hope that I will hold onto for dear life because I've been in the dark for way too long.

Ahhh, parenthood

Since "the hubby" and I have never been parents before (well, I guess the dogs don't count I suppose) I figure that by the time we get Jade there will be many different things that we'll be thankful for. Example number one Ray and I love eating out. When Jade comes I presume we'll be thankful that we are able just to sit down to eat. Plus, it will probably be nice to see food that does not resemble pureed, mashed or liquid that is not served in a bowl or a cup.

I love dressing up and wearing nice clothes. I assume when Jade arrives I'll just be thankful that I can find one decent clean clothing item; one that preferably does not have snot, drool, food , throw up or any other undesirable foul smelling liquid on it.

Which brings me to my worst downfall;

I love my little sporty car now as it serves my purpose and vanity just fine. I think I will feel a little bit of a loss when Jade comes and I have to trade it in for the dreaded mini van... but again, in the end I guess I will be thankful for that too.

I'm quite sure this list will expand when Jade comes but for now, I'll enjoy wearing my fancy booger-free clothes while riding in my snazzy sports car on my way to a fine dining establishment.

Ahh, the joys of parenthood await me but perhaps I can enjoy my precious vanity just a little while longer!

Update on China - Here we go again!

Hi all,

First of all (I'll start with the good news), today marks our LID anniversary. We have been officially logged in the CCAA exactly 7 months waiting to be reviewed and matched. With this, I bring another update (otherwise known as the bad news). A while ago I posted that our wait time to referral would increase from 12 months to 16/18 months. We were contacted again and were told it would increase again to 24 months. Guess what? It looks as if we might be waiting even longer. They are now quoting 30 - 36 months from LID. The Rumor Queen ( anyone who has been following along so far knows about the RQ - She is THE lady who knows all when it come to the CCAA) just did a poll on her website concerning LIDS and she has determined that an individual with a LID of late September 2006 (us!) could possibly hope to receive a referral in either of the following months - notice the year; February 2009, May 2009, August 2009 or May 2010. Yup, I said 2010!! Of course these predictions depend on how fast/slow the CCAA is at clearing the backlog of files which currently stands at 25,000 - 30,000 (I hope that is not before our file! - they are currently matching October 2005) What I would like to know is what happened to 2008 for us receiving a referral? Our agency said we COULD get the referral in the fall of 2008 but the RQ says it won't happen. Just FYI, we haven't heard squat from our agency lately.

At this point I have more faith in the RQ's predictions then I do with our agency. All I can do now is to go on the hunt for chocolate, wine and comfy blanket and settle down for a LONG wait.

Reality Checks and Roller Coasters

When I read my latest posts I'm finding that all they are is doom and gloom. I apologise to my avid followers for this and from now on I will try to get back to posting about all things Chinese and whatever else might peek my/your interest. However, I do have to keep you up to date on the adoption though and unfortunately there is rarely much good news to post on that front these days. You'll just have to ride out the rough times with me I suppose for y'all want to know what the heck is going on! So my best advise is to pick a seat, strap yourselves in and hang on because it's gonna be a twisted, bumpy never ending roller coaster ride folks.
Anyway, the rumblings have begun again about this month's referrals. When are they arriving, who knows? How many days will the CCAA have matched this month? Who the heck knows... (heck is my word for the day if you haven't already figured out) Most people in the "circle" are throwing about the #2. Yup, that's right, "THEY" say that the CCAA has had another bad month. So far, it has taken the CCAA four months to match up to the 26th of October. (Just FYI, in 2005 the CCAA was matching a month's worth of files per month. Now, it is taking them a full month just to match two days worth.) So, if it took the CCAA all of April to match October 27 and 28th that means it will take them ANOTHER 2 MONTHS TO FINISH OCTOBER!! (people I'm talking October 2005 here - see how much they are back logged? Our LID is September 25, 2006. A long way to go huh!)
Now granted, rule of thumb is that October and November of any year has always been heavy months in terms of the total number of files logged in so naturally, it would take longer to match. So, one would hope that once the CCAA finishes up with November the number of matches per month should increase.
Well folks, that's the rumor rumble for today and should anything change you know I'll post.

Imagine this....

For those of you who are not adopting let's play a little game of sorts. I do believe this game of role playing will help you understand the emotions, frustrations and torment those who adopt feel. O.k., like I said, imagine you are me. Youv'e decided to adopt and have chosen China. You are all excited and are bursting to talk about it all the time. I mean excited! Any poor soul that stands still long enough is fair game. I mean so excited about your baby that you would even talk to a stump; you just don't care. Ahhh, but wait, you experience your first emotional crash when you get tangled up with Social Services. They try everything in the book to tempt you out of IA. You, being so excited, will not waiver from China. You've done all your research, have decided that yes, you understand there are risks, are willing to deal with development/attachment issues etc. and your heart is still with China. As this point you get through all of the seamingly endless paper chases, medical appointments, fingerprinting etc and have arrived at your final destination! Your precious file has been sent to China! You have your Log in date! All through the process thus far people are getting excited along with you - for its just like you are pregnant. You are expecting. Everyone gathers around and fusses. They want to buy baby clothes, toys, help pick out names and you get all caught up in it too. With your covenanted LID (log in date) all you have to do now is wait. Some of you forge ahead (even though your wise Social Worker advised against getting too caught up in it - for you never know what could happen - you nod in agreement pretending to understand but in your mind you quickly dismiss her caution) and busily begin 'nesting'. You pick a name, choose and decorate a nursery and fill the closet with pretty, frilly things. Now, all you have to do is wait. Then, emotional crash number two happens. Your agency contacts you to advise that the wait will be a little longer than expected. You are miffed at first but quickly analyse it, hear the parts that you only want and shrug it off. Another couple of months, not too bad you decide. It only means you have a little more time to get ready. In the meantime, people ask when is the baby coming? You respond, "oh, a little bit longer than expected." You are answered with looks of confusion and so begins the replies (which you will soon come to dread) "oh, what's taking so long?" You shrug that off too refusing to get caught up in the negative. You trudge on waiting, still feeling like you are pregnant but not quite as some of the excitment has disappeared. You feel little nagging voices of 'what if' in the back of your mind but you refuse to listen. Then times moves on, people around you begin to ask less and less. Others close to you become pregnant and have their babies. You are excited for them but the little nagging "what if's" and "how come it's taking so long" are presistant and harder to stifle. Times goes on and again your agency contacts you to advise that the wait will likely increase yet again. You can't silence the nagging voices anymore. No one asks at all anymore. Deep down you are heartbroken. You don't understand yourself why this is happening. You no longer feel pregnant. You look at the nursery and feel like crying. You decide that you will look at other options. You explore other countries and you experience the last true emotional crash. Your agency tells you that you are "not allowed" to proceed with an interim adoption while waiting for China. (Imagine for a minute if you and your husband had actually gone through this for 3 years. How would you feel?) I'll tell you how you would feel. You are crushed and angry for all you want is to start a family. Social Services, the CCAA (China) and now your agency all control when and if you get to start a family. You come to the realization that you have no control.
Yet, there is hope. You won't/refuse to give up. You have fought so long for this baby and you will not abandon her. You hang on for dear life.

These are some of the emotions that many, if not, all adopting couples have to work through. I personally listened to my wise social worker and did not buy any baby items nor did I decorate a nursery. I did not allow anyone else to buy baby items either. For me, it would have been too hard if something happened. I'm glad I listened. I hope this has helped you understand.

You know, I often lose patience (and those that know me know that I have no time for stupid idiotic unfeeling people/questions) and have to remind myself that not many individuals realize the depth/emotion this adoption process takes on us. So please, when you do meet someone that is going through the process show some compassion and understanding. It is NOT an easy way to have children as you can see.

Hoping for better days ahead people so lets keep those fingers crossed.

A few of my favorite things

I've finally given up bashing poor old Mother Nature and realised that the delay of spring is just another thing that I needed to "wait" on. This of course got me to thinking. I decided that I had two options.

1. I could complain about the wait yet again but decided against it. Nope, gone are the days of the pity party for one. I decided that I use up way too much energy being grumpy about the 'wait'. You heard it here first folks "THAT WORD" will never be uttered from my cyber lips again. Frankly I'm tired and I'm getting fed up with myself moaning about THAT WORD. Somehow, I got whisked away from Delusion Island where it was all nice and warm. I'm sure THAT WORD did it to me! My friends, if you haven't already figured it out yet, to enter into this twisty turny world of adoption you need nerves of steele and the determination, drive and stubborness to match. You need to be Superman, only a woman! Gee, would that classify as Wonder Woman? Hmmmm... another post for another day perhaps.

OR

2. My mind wandered off to "things", and what do you sometimes do with things? Why, you put them on a list. So, in my attempt to become a positive, happy, contented individual during "THAT WORD" I decided to make a list of some of my favorite things.

I love chocolate (too much I'm afraid!), warm toasty fires, flannel pjs, dogs/puppies and wet sloppy puppy kisses. Which brings me to puppy breath and puppy yawns. I love books, onion rings, mysteries, movies, squeaky shoes ( Chinese baby shoes that have squeakers to help babies learn to walk), the first snow fall (Mother Nature, do you hear me?! I said the first not the 157th!), Christmas, growing things (plants, flowers, tomatoes - basically anything that's easy to grow that I can't kill), hearing the birds sing and cooking.

Most importantly, I cannot finish this list without adding my most favorite things in all the world. My dear family and friends that have shown and given so much support through "THAT WORD" so far. I have a deep love for China and Jade's birth mother. For without them we would not (eventually) have her. Lastly, "the hubby" for I couldn't do it without him. Who loves ya baby!

These, dear friends, are a few of my favorite things and I am grateful for each and every one of them.

Take care.

Excuse me Mother Nature but

have you forgotten us? Yoohoo! I'm over here in case you've missed me - ummm, wait now, perhaps I'll rephrase that - in case you've missed Newfoundland entirely!! It certainly seems that way. You know, they say that spring has sprung, well, I don't know where it has sprung but its not here on the rock that's for sure. Perhaps Spring is not in the plans for good 'ole NL this year. That's it, Mother Nature, by the time she got all around the world sprouting spring she was just too tired. That has to be it, she was too sprung out. What other reason could it be? I guess the poor tuckered out old girl figured NL could wait a bit longer, afterall, we on the rock are used to hardship, waiting( won't expand on that subject in adoption terms), being last on everyone's list and 'sucky', nasty weather. Mirror mirror on the wall, what kind of weather will it be for the rock a'tal? Well, I see cold and wind and fog and rain but not sunshine or spring at all!

Thanks a bunch Mother Nature! Next time you are in town don't bother to call, we'll be too busy to talk because either;

1. won't be able to see you for all the fog
2. will be all froze to death from the cold
3. too busy shovelling out from under all the surprise snow you dumped on us for May 24th.

By the way, if you happen upon Mother Nature give her a boot (you know where!) and tell her to smarten up! NL does exist and we want Spring dang nabit!

Its getting hairy out there in the adoption world people!

I don't know whats going on but the world as we know it in adoption circles is being turned upside down! O.k. lets do a recap as some of my loyal followers are not adopting.

The past couple of weeks I have seen, read or heard:

1. Japan has implemented "drop off hatches" for abandoned babies. Sounds horrible I know but it does make sense in a way. Some hospitals have put these outside their bldgs so that people can drop off their babies. It is in response to a high ratio of babies being abandoned in cars, parks, shops and even bicycle carts. This hatch is incubated and rigged so that when a baby is dropped off the alarm will sound to alert medical staff that they have a new arrival. They then retreive the baby, assess it, give it medical attention and then put it up for adoption. I wonder does that mean we will be able to adopt from there soon?

2. The CCAA is experiencing some kind of matching glitch (that's my spin on it)month to match 2 days worth of babies!? I don't even know what to think about that one so I'll just leave it be....

3. India is opening up to the western world for adoption. To date, to adopt from India you have to be of Indian decent. Thousand of babies are not being adopted and left in orphanages because of this. The Indian Government is looking to open the program to non Indians heavily recruiting in the US and Britain. I know for a fact that our agency is currently working with India for non Indians too. YAY for us! The Indian Govt. says that the adoption process will be MUCH shorter than China and that it will be open to singles. Great news all around I say!

4. Guatemala had its hands slapped. Govt. has been told to pull up its socks in terms or international adoption or they are going to shut it down. This does not apply to Canada as the program has been closed for years. Its a hard day when a country closes its doors to IA. Everyone loses but mostly the chldren.

5. Russia has stated that it will be closing its doors to USA agency facilitated adoption. There are reports of children being adopted in the past that have been abused, neglected and killed. This too is another sad day for everyone involved as I'm sure these cases of abuse etc. were few and far between. It does not affect Canada nor private USA adoptions.

All of this only reinforces that adopotion is not an easy road. Whoever said adoption was the easy way needs their head examined!

Take care everyone and lets all hope that the children affected in these changes are looked after to their best ability.

Little Ms. Brea

A couple of posts ago I talked about Brea, who was having some heart trouble. For those of you who were wondering about her I'm happy to report that she has received her new heart and is coming along well. She celebrated being 22 months old with a new heart on April 5th. Yay Brea!

What a lovely idea

In my rambling searches I came across a lady who, on every full moon lights a single candle for her baby's birth mother. What a nice tradition to incorportate into your baby's life when she arrives.

A hard day and some words of wisdom

Today people is what I consider a hard day. I just heard rumblings from the adoption circles that the CCAA took ALL of March to match 2 days worth of files. In 2005 when "the hubby" and I started the process time to referral was 6-8 months and the CCAA was matching a month of files per month. Recently (for the last year to now) the CCAA has slowed the matching to 2 weeks of files per month. That being said, a month to match 2 days leaves many of us waiting with a huge lump in our throats. If it continues the wait may even become longer.

Now, I hate doom and gloom and try to avoid it if at all possible so naturally I looked for any shed of light I could find. This is what I what I have to say. Too many of us on this adoption journey get caught up in the negative. Our thoughts and conversations revolve around the shoulda, coulda, woulda and nevers. What we tend to forget is this... we started this process ( we managed to get though all the paperwork, medicals, home study etc and I'm quite sure more than just me muttered will this ever end!) and we will eventually get to China and have our babies. We need to live in the mean time. Why allow such negative thoughts and words to rob us of this experience? Don't worry about what lies ahead for that too will come in time and work itself out. Live your life today and enjoy every scrap of it. When you do get your baby (and you will) your life will change. Practice on yourself. I say this because when we finally do get Jade I know for a fact this little girl, if I can help it, will not know the word never. She will be positive, self assured and can't will never enter her vocabulary. Why, then, should we be ruled by it? These folks, are my words of wisdom for today.

Culture - A funny little thing

I've always found culture and ritual fascinating. When I was contemplating a degree in Forensic Anthropology I loved all the Social Anthropology electives. I was mesmerized by the idea of how cultures can take the same thing and turn it into something completely different and unique to their own society. Wonder where I'm going with this? Well, there is a significant holiday that occurs during April in China; April 5th to be exact. This holiday is a perfect example of how China 'interprets' a familiar cultural aspect of life and makes it their own. I'm talking about their Ching Ming Festival. For those of you who are not familiar with this festival it revolves around ancestral veneration. Ahh, perhaps we will need a little background information so you can understand Ching Ming better.

O.k. throughout Chinese history family life encompassed elders ( elder generations were and still are the most important members of a family) and these elders received (and still do) great respect. In Chinese culture this elder respect continued even after the elder family members died. Now, its important to note that the Chinese do not distinguish a heaven and hell like we westerners do. The Chinese believe when you die you still exist and therefore still need food and they also believe that the living family members can communicate with the deceased elders or ancestors. Family members do this by way of Ancestral Veneration or Ancestor Worship (not worship as in God worship). They set out food for the ancestors who then eat the food's essence. The reason behind this veneration is to ensure the ancestors (elders) well-being and positive influence. Basically, it helps maintain the family bond; respect,loyalty, honor and keeps memories alive. They look after the ancestors and in return the ancestors look after them (something along the lines of acting as a guardian to help guide living members through their lives). With me so far? Good.

This brings me to Ching Ming which I think is wonderful. I love the whole idea of it and when Jade comes I think I might try to incorporate bits of it into her life.
Ching means pure and clean and Ming means brightness. When combined it means clean and just. Ching Ming was declared a National holiday in 732 A.D. during the Tang Dynasy and Ancestral Veneration is the only tradition unique to China. It is now often referred to as "Spring Remembrance".

What happens during Ching Ming? Well, basically, on this festival day, the Chinese visit the grave markers of their ancestors. It is a day that is totally devoted to ancestor veneration. During the day, family members clean the area(s) around the markers (spring cleaning you might say), add fresh flowers and provide food. Family members eat with the ancestors (a picnic of sorts - some scholars would argue with me over this as they say the food is not for a picnic but instead an offering to the ancestors. To me, its a picnic) There is a whole ritual that surrounds the food offerings (which I won't get into) and during this picnic they bring the ancestors up to date with the family news. Some families will also incorporate setting off firecrackers. The point of this is to scare off any evil spirits that may be lurking and to alert the ancestors of their (the living family's) presence. Some will offer the ancestors paper money and burn incense.

Isn't Ching Ming fascinating? Now, I know some of you think I've lost a brain cell or two by saying I love the idea of Ching Ming but just think about it for a minute. In Western society/culture we associate losing a family member with sorrow and pain. Once they pass on they are gone. Why is this? The Chinese "celebrate" (I'm not saying they don't mourn as they do) family. They believe their ancestors still exist you just can't see them. The ancestors are still "active" in the family's life but reside on a different plain.

See how culture blends itself to become unique within a society? Western society does have a Ching Ming of their own, after all how many times do you go down memory lane starting a conversation with a family member by saying "remember when Aunt so in so did...." but we just let too much sadness and sorrow get in the way. We need to learn, as a society and culture, to celebrate life and family more.

In conclusion, I like the idea of Ching Ming for a number of reasons. I want our bond with Jade to continue after "the hubby" and I are no longer here. I want her to celebrate our family and the memories that we made. I want her to talk to us and tell us what is going on in her life. I want her to continue to share with us. I don't want pain and sorrow to enter into it.

Hope and Faith - Sometimes that's all we have

I confess, I've been following along with a particular adoption blog lately. It is a blog of a darling little baby by the name of Brea Wusterbarth. (Message to "the hubby" if you are starting to read this STOP! It will be too much for your soft heartedness to endure.) Little Brea came home to the USA in October 2006. Since being home she developed a cold which turned into a virus which eventually damaged her heart. She was hospitalized and it was determined that she would need a heart transplant. I don't think I can say anymore but I've included Brea's blog here www.babyjellybeans.com If you have some time I suggest that you follow Brea's journey from China to present day.

I have to admit that Brea's mother has been an inspiration to me and while I'm not a very religious person she has made me "think" quite often. Those on the adoption journey will agree that more often than not it is hope and faith that gets us through and in some cases it is all we have. We all need something to believe in.