Am I a twit?

Got your attention didn't I?

Now, you are probably wondering what this snazzy blog title is leading up to... well, I'll start off by saying that I like to think of myself as an intelligent, interesting, level headed individual. I'm not just a little piece of fluff in case you didn't know. I do have a brain. My university studies major in the holocaust; does that sound like something a twit would do?

So that being said, why is it that I'm addicted to the vampire phenomenon? I mean I love this stuff! I'm not 13, I'm over 30 for cripes sake! What's with me?! Take Twilight for example; I was obsessed with it and I don't even know why! As a woman I should be mortified that Bella doesn't care what Edward does or says as long as he LOVES her. She actually gets off on the fact that he's sooo possessive of her. I mean I hate all that romantic crap so it definitely wasn't the love story aspect that kept me reading. I don't have a bad boy infatuation either so, it wasn't that and believe me when I say I wasn't spellbound by the good writing.

But yet, I have to admit that I unknowingly and unwillingly got sucked into the Edward trap. Was I drawn to him because he represents the perfect man (and I use the term Man loosely)? Do I secretly wish to have an Edward or, for that matter, even a Jacob in my life? I really don't think that's it either.
Most chats I've had with fellow readers focus on Edward but maybe he's just the tasty wrapper covering the reason of why we are all twilight fanatics.

Perhaps what I'm attracted to is the escape that vampires offer me. Think about it for a minute. Vampires are free to do as they will without consequence. Its all about obsession and fulfillment. They 'live' and do as they want and they take it without worry. They offer escape from our every day dull life which is full of deadlines, rules, restrictions and societal norms.
Show me one person who doesn't desire the freedom to escape their everyday life without consequence for just one minute and I'll show you a twit.

Perhaps our world as we know it has become so bogged down with crud that we all need a little more vampire in it to free ourselves. And, just maybe I'm not a twit after all. Yes, I've been bitten by the Twilight bug and I'm proud to say so.

On a side note, if you love vampires and the supernatural like me, I highly recommend the Kim Harrison series on Rachel Morgan. It's definitely read worthy and quite entertaining. The first book is called "Dead Witch Walking". I'd check it out if I were you.

Been there, Done that

Many of you out there have asked for an update on China. Well, frankly I've been there and done that. Truth is, I have nothing new to post. I'm still riding that ridiculously SLOW boat to China. They are currently matching
files that were logged in during March, 2006. Our file made it to China in September, 2006. Do the math people...
I figure that we have AT LEAST two more years before referral.

Its been tough, but then again I'm tough so, I'll keep hanging on until someone pushes me off the swing.

Its all about survival baby!

Off with her Head!

O.k. I admit it. Over the past year I've become quite lax in posting. Actually, I just noticed that my last post was August, 2008. I'm so ashamed...

To err is to be human. After all, I never said I was perfect. I know, I'm just making excuses and they sound lame and pathetic even to me. I think I even just saw the dog roll her eyes.

So I say to all my devoted followers out there, your screams of 'off with her head' have been finally heard. I say lets get this party started and I promise to blog like a maniac.

Now, I just have to decide what to blog about. Stay tuned for another cliff hanger!!

What does it mean?

I know, I haven't posted in so long. I really have no excuse other than the wait is driving me bonkers and there is nothing I can do about it.

I thought I would post this as I've been turning it around in my mind now for a few days.

I've read many blogs over the last 3 years and I've noticed that many people always say they have had vivid feelings or dreams about their babies. In these dreams they know their age, appearance, provinve in which they wrere born etc.

Now, I always dismissed them with a hearty 'phffft... whatever', which is kind of funny in itself becuase I am a great believer in fate etc. yet, I never put much stock in it any time I read it.

Up to the last two weeks I've never have experienced such feeling/dream other than the fact that three years ago I told my sw that the China program was going to change and that I truely believed that'the hubby'and I would be the last few to get to China. (look how that's turning out!)

Anyhow, back to three weeks ago. Yup, I had my first dream. I vividly dreamt that we were in China meeting our daughter. We were in Guang Dong and she was 15 months old. I remember being happy and excited. There was no mention of a name nor can I remember the details of her appearance only that she was healthy and robust.

Fast foreward to two nights after the first dream. Again, I had a vivid dream that we were in China. This time we were meeting our son. I can clearly see his precious face. He was tall, slim, had beautiful deep chocolate eyes and a beautiful smile that radiated happiness. I too was beaming. The only thing was he was 9 years old! We were all estatic and although it was not apparent which province we were in I do distinctly remember discussing names with my new son. We were having a great time carefully considering and ultimately rejecting each name together.

Now I ask you, what does this mean? Let's hope it is all good!

Monkeying Around and French Toast

I know, I know. I'm still bad. I haven't posted in like FOREVER! and I promised too! tisk tisk... To tell you the truth I really have nothing to post on the adoption front. Well, that's not entirely true. We are FINALLY out of review since
November 30, 2007. As of the first week in February the CCAA has matched up to December 27, 2005. Yup, that's what I said. They are still matching 2005! In addition to all of this our agency recently sent out a letter stating that China has really slowed down their referrals (ahh, no kidding!), wait times continue to increase drastically and that anyone who might be open to special needs should consider it. Also, anyone who is willing to consider other countries should do so. Hmmm.... there's a mouthful for you. The hubby and I decided to stick with China for the long haul. So, we wait... and wait... and wait.... Check back with me sometime in 2009 or 2010. Perhaps I'll be going to China then if I'm lucky.
Now you know why I haven't posted. I'm just so tired of posting crappy news.

On to french toast!

I've decided to take a hiatus from China and post other things that are dear to my heart. Anyone who knows me knows I love to cook so I've decided to begin posting some of my favorite recipes. After all, when you feel crappy, what do you do? You eat! So with that being said, pull out your oven mitts and start cooking!

I'm going to start with one of my favorites "Baked Blueberry French Toast"

This is SOOOOO good! Assemble it the night before and in the morning just bake it!

Please note though that this recipe feeds a crowd (12). If you are cooking for a smaller group then I suggest you half the recipe.

"Baked Blueberry French Toast"

(if you don't like blueberries then you can substitute with raspberries or bananas)

1 loaf of French or Italian bread
1 block of cream cheese softened and cut in chunks
1 cup fresh or frozen blueberries
12 eggs
2 cups of milk
1/3 cup maple syrup
1/2 tsp cinnamon

Tear bread into 1 inch cubes and grease a 13x9 baking pan. (If cooking for a smaller group then use a 11x7 dish.)

place 1/2 the bread cubes in the pan and evenly distribute the cream cheese chunks over the bread. Sprinkle the blueberries on. Place remaining bread over the top.

Beat together the eggs, milk, syrup and cinnamon and pour the mixture over the bread. Cover with foil or saran wrap and refrigerate overnight (8 hours)

Remove from the fridge. Heat oven to 350 degrees. Bake, covered for 30 minutes. Uncover and bake additional 30 minutes or until lightly browned on top and center is set. Cut into squares and serve with maple syrup. Serves 12.

Enjoy and I'll be back soon with another yummy recipe! I promise, no more monkeying around...

I should have been on Santa's Naughty list

I just checked my blog and realized I haven't posted in quite a while. I've been bad asI haven't been keeping my avid followers up to date with the current happenings.

Well, let's see. Since the last time I posted the hubby and I finally made it out of the Review Room and have since moved into the matching room. Thank goodness! I thought this would never happen. This was the last test to pass so to speak. Whew! The CCAA has now gone over our file with a magnifying glass and actually approved us! Now, all we have to do is continue to wait. Easier said than done I think. Christmas day marked 15 months for our file being logged in China. I wonder how many more months will we have to wait? I better not think too much abut that one. It's amazing how time can fly and at the same time continue on at a snail's pace.

I was browsing though my older posts and noticed that the first estimate of wait time to referral given to us by our agency was 16 months and if that had proved true the hubby and I would be expecting to see Jade's face for the first time this month and traveling to get her in February, 2008. Alas, that was not to be. The next quoted time to referral given to us was 24 months. I highly doubt this will ring true either because rumors are flying that the CCAA will completely halt referring babies 2 weeks before the Olympics and does not mention when/if they will restart.

I also noticed that in my previous posts I had mentioned that we would begin to see a shift of focus in IA from NSN ( non-special needs) to Special needs. This was one thing that did ring true in late 2007. Its a double edged sword for me because while I'm glad to see these children getting the homes they deserve I find that I get frustrated and angry because my line for NSN seems to be stuck. It's like it hardly moves anymore.

In addition, the CCAA posted that they would allow concurrent adoptions for those families waiting in line for referral. While great news, this is also double edged for me due to a number of reasons which I refuse to go into because if I did I'd be here forever.

Anyhow folks, that's an update/recap of the end of 2007 as it pertains to me and the hubby. What 2008 will bring I don't know, all I can say I hope it's fun, safe, happy and healthy and I hope your's is too. I'd like to say that I see a trip to China for me in 2008 but it seems too far away at the moment. If not 2008 then perhaps 2009?
I know I'm drinking from that fountain of eternal hope again.

Take care everyone and enjoy 2008, I know I plan to.

I always knew there was more to the story

The story of Eve and adam

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God... "Lord, I have a problem!" "What's the problem, Eve?" "Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy." "Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above. "Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples." "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you." "What's a 'man,' Lord?" "This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat, and be vainglorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things.He'll be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advise to think properly." "Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. "What's the catch, Lord?" "Yeah, well.... you can have him on one condition." "What's that, Lord?" "As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring...So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first...So, just remember... it's our secret... Woman-to-woman!"

CCAA update

Just thought I'd do a quick post.

The CCAA has finished the placement of children for the families whose adoption application documents were registered with our office before December 8, 2005.
(we are Sept. 25, 2006 so we have a LONG way to go before being matched)
AND more importantly,
there has been no change in the review room (crap!). The CCAA has finished the review of the adoption application documents registered with our office before August 31, 2006.
I guess this means we'll have to wait a little longer to find out if we've passed through the review room.

I feel like the white rabbit from Alice in Wonderland

You know the one that runs around willy nilly with the big time watch screaming "I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date!" Well that's exactly how I feel these last couple of days. It all started the night before Halloween when my darling 4 year old niece called. We talked together for over a half hour and by the end of the conversation it hit me like a tonne of bricks. I feel like time is racing by yet standing still and there are things I need to do. I can hear the clock ticking but I'm late. I'm running behind. Everyone else has their precious children and I'm missing out. Every day I and many more waiting parents are out there frantically running to catch up to our children and to be the parents we so desperately want to be. To have our days filled with fun, laughter and love.

I know I have an important date with my child but when it will be is what eludes me and I don't know about you but I'm tired of being the white rabbit.

I wonder....

Uh oh, or to borrow a well known song title from Miss Britney; Oops, I think I did it again.

Over the last few weeks 'the hubby' and I (o.k. the hubby protested loudly while I blissfully ignored him) decided to pull out the old aquarium from the depths of the basement. Now, those who know me know I love all animals great and small and for the most part those creatures, whether great or small, whom have found their way into my loving arms have thrived. Yet, while I was dusting off the tank, antsy with anticipation over my soon to be new additions, I swear I heard a few horrified shrieks coming from the direction of the local pet store. See, I have somewhat of a turbulent past when it comes to fish. Basically, fish and I don't make a good match. Somehow, and it is beyond me why, every fish, with the exception of my first two goldfish, honey and bunny, have met with an untimely demise. I really don't understand. These fish of mine have the ultimate pad with the most up to date doo dads, they have filtration bubbles coming out of the kazoo, endless shipwrecks, castles and ferns to frolic about in, over, through and under. They dine on scrumptious cuisine. Yet, they die. I. just. don't. get. it.

Case in point, three weeks ago I went to the pet store and bought 2 pretty little calico fantails and the most beautiful Betta I have ever laid eyes on. I carefully and lovingly transported my little gems home, proudly showed them off to 'the hubby', the dogs, the bird and anyone else who crossed my path. I did EXACTLY as the pet store lady advised. I was so proud. All three got along swimmingly. For one whole week they flourished! I was practically walking on air. Me and my fish were doing just fine thank you very much. Then I saw it. The dreaded little white spots, like little grains of salt, dotting my little babies! Oh no! They had ICK!!!

I decided that no ICK was going to get my fishies so I rushed out to the pet store for help. My pet store lady wasn't there and I began to panic. My only option was a little scrawny pet store youngster with more holes and piercings on her face then I had over my entire body. What was I to do? My fish needed me so I swallowed my pride and asked for help. She really didn't seem that concerned. She shuffled over to the fish aisle and shoved a bottle of blue stuff in my hand. She mumbled something about not feeding them for 7 days and to make sure I replaced the water after treatment. I specifically asked if there was anything else that needed to be done. She looked at me like I had 10 heads and shook her head no.

I rushed home an treated my fish believing that in 7 days my fishies would be as good as new. I could almost hear them utter sighs of relief as I poured in the blue goo into the tank. I diligently treated my babies for 4 days but they didn't seem to be getting any better, in fact, they were now covered in white spots and worse my beautiful betta had become victim to the ick as well. I just didn't understand. Finally I called another pet store and explained what was happening. Turns out the scrawny pet store girl sold me the wrong stuff AND didn't tell me that I was to turn off the filter! For the last four days I had been treating my babies to no avail. Every time I put the blue goo in the tank the filter would just suck it right back out! Furthermore, she had told me NOT to feed them for 7 days. The people at the other pet store told me that fish could only go without food for 72 hours!

I was livid! If I had that scrawny pet store girl she'd have one less piercing I tell you! Anyhow, I bought the right stuff but it was too late. My pretty little calico fantails were just too riddled with disease to survive and much to my dismay they ended up being flushed. The hubby was so sad that day. I'm happy to report that the betta managed to recuperate and won the battle of the ick. I'm waiting to finish treating the tank for ick and then I'm off to the races again to get just a couple of fish to keep the betta company. Will I ever learn?

As I sit here typing this I've noticed that my betta looks a little green around the gills so to speak. I'm hoping he rallies once again but my gut tells me different. Perhaps this will be the last of the fish for me. I just don't understand my luck with the aquatic creatures.

Oh, what's that? you're going out of town for the weekend and you want me to look after your fish? no problem! Uh, did I just hear a shriek of terror coming from the direction of your tank?

Back in the saddle!

Hi folks,
Yes I have returned. I admit I've lost touch with my precious blog over the summer. Now, whether this hiatus came from frustration I will not admit so lets just call it a much needed summer break.

So much has happened since I last posted. 'The hubby' and I FINALLY made our 1 year anniversary for LID on September 25, 2007. Yahoo! Furthermore, we've recently found out that the CCAA is currently reviewing files with Sept. 2006 LIDS. You know what that means?! Yup, that's us! Can I have another Whoop Whoop in the house?!Yes, I must admit all is good these days.

Well, I'm off to ride into the sunset for today but don't fret avid followers for I will post again another day!

Giddy up tiny!

Interesting Article worth the read

http://www.atimes.com/atimes/China/IB13Ad01.html

Update from CCAA

Well, the CCAA has matched up to November 7, 2005. Not the big batch that most were hoping for but to me any change, as long as it doesn't go down is a speed up. A while ago they matched 2 days, then 4 and now 7. I guess it all depends on how you look at it. Unfortunately, no change in the review room date. Will we EVER get off of this rollercoaster?!

Some wise words to remember

If happiness is in your destiny, you need not be in a hurry.

Still Waiting

enough said...

A common occurance in Newfoundland

During the month of June and even July this is a common sight around our shores. This picture was taken at Blackhead on the way to Cape Spear this past Saturday. There are many more that were too far off to take pictures of but if and when they move closer to shore I'll post pictures of them too.

Inspiration can come from the strangest places

Well folks I think I've finally cracked under the pressure of the waiting game; either that or someone, somewhere managed to send me a sign from the unlikeliest of places.

Last night 'the hubby' and I settled down to watch the movie Rocky Balboa. Who would of thought that I would recieve inspiration from the Italian Stallion himself! O.K., you can pick yourself up off the floor now and stop laughing...

Anyhow, in one scene Rocky was having a heart to heart with his son. He was telling his son that it wasn't the beatings he took that made him strong it was the fact that he could take the beatings and still manage to get up and continue to move forward.

Now there was a little gem of information that got me thinking. I've often felt helpless and defeated through this process but perhaps I'm looking at it all wrong. Maybe, I need to pick myself up, dust myself off and do a few victory laps around the adoption ring because no matter how many beatings I've taken so far, I'm still in the ring. So, three cheers to Rocky for helping me realise that I am undefeated!

Stop laughing!

Patiently waiting for an update again

Yup, its that time of month again when people are on the edge of their seats. Some are waiting to see if they are one of the lucky ones that will see their child for the first time while others are waiting to see if they have finally made it in or out of the review room. Then there are those who wait to see if their file is sent to China and there are those who wait for their LID. Lastly, we have those that have just begun the process and are waiting, watching , hoping that they will not have to wait as long as us before them to see their child's face.

What a mixture of excitement, anticipation and frustration each month brings. Yet, its amazing how we preservere, pull up our socks and settle in to wait again. I've learned that it is shear hope that gets us through time and time again.

If anyone is looking for me, I'll be stuck in front of the computer glued to the CCAA site waiting for the date to change, hoping that "the hubby" and I are one step closer to Jade. Donations of chocolate will gladly be accepted to keep me from starving!

The same but different

Yesterday's post entitled "Why do I look different, Mommy" brought a lot of feedback and got me thinking back to my PRIDE days. I remember our Social Worker asked us to consider how our child might feel being 'different'.

At the time my first instinct, like many other of my classmates I'm sure, was to think a child of mine would be the same as if they were biological. Simply put, there would be no difference, nor would they be labelled different and dare the brave individual who would argue otherwise. Boy, I tell you, would they be in for a fight. I thought of myself (and still do) as a fiesty lioness protecting her cubs.
I knew when I looked at Jade I would not see her chinese-ness or different. I would only see my daugther. But what about Jade herself and others around her? How would they see her and feel..

Part of me thought beyond 'myself' for a minute and the next thing I knew I was blurting out that it was o.k. to be different and that it was o.k. to tell the child just this. I don't think my intended message was clearly received because all of a sudden I must have grown 6 heads and turned rainbow colored with bumps and scales. My classmates were staring at me like I was a monster. I swear, all of the oxgyen was swept up into a black hole from the collective gasp of my mates. I was met with a sea of blank stares.

I looked to 'the hubby' to throw me a life raft but he too sat there scratching his head looking perplexed. I realised I was on my own. What did I say that was so wrong? I looked at my mates as they sat staring back at me, mouths agape. I stood there and the first thought that came to mind was to say "umm, excuse me, but has it escaped your notice, but the child you are proposing to adopt will not look like you." I decided NOT to say this as I was afraid I was already close enough to being linched and I really didn't want to upset anyone as that was not my intention. These mates were all wonderful, caring people and many had been through so much to get to this point. But, perhaps I had hit a sore spot with some of them. Too many times I had heard people wishing a child of their own regardless of age, color or race.
They would be no different than their own.

The bottom line is yes, regardless of how you as parents will see them, our children will be different. My point was that people shouldn't be afraid to be different even if it means looking different. I know for a fact that Jade will ask me why does she look different than everyone else. Why would I try to make her believe something that she is not. She is different; she is Chinese and that's o.k. I want her to be proud of herself for who she is and where she came from. I don't want her or someone else trying to make her fit into a mold of what we/they/she thinks she should be. I want her to love herself for who she is and for how she looks. Being different needs to be projected in a POSITIVE light. We, as parents, need to look after our children and to do this we need to tear down these stinky walls that are painted in the stigma that being different or looking different is substandard. If we as parents unknowingly try to pigeon hole our children into 'normal' boxes, how will they ever grow and prosper? You need to shout it from the roof tops that being different is o.k. and wonderful. She should not have to bear that burden of being the 'same.'

Perhaps this is what the Social Worker was getting at. She wanted us to think beyond ourselves for a minute and consider how our children would think/feel about being different and how her world would think of her. More importantly, how were us parents going to deal with our children's feelings and how would we manage this difference.

Yes, without question, these children will be loved, for they are our own, but its how you handle things that sets the stage of whether or not your child is happy, safe, comfortable with themselves and thrive.

We owe it to them and ourselves. Embrace them for everything that they are and for what they represent. They should be cherished. They are different but the same. A wonderful gift.
Do you think I still have 6 heads with scales and bumps?

Why do I look different, Mom?

Why do I look different, Mom? My daughter will ask one day. How come I don't resemble all the kids with whom I play? My hair is inky black and straight, my skin's a different hue. So would you tell me, Mom, why don't I look like you? You're an Oriental flower, I'll tell my darling girl. Your skin and hair and eyes all come from halfway 'round the world. The sun of China warmed your skin to that exquisite shade. Your eyes are China's beauty marks, your hair a silk cascade. The color of a midnight sky, unlighted by a star. So don't think you look different, dear, You look like who you are.

Author unknown