Reality Checks and Roller Coasters

When I read my latest posts I'm finding that all they are is doom and gloom. I apologise to my avid followers for this and from now on I will try to get back to posting about all things Chinese and whatever else might peek my/your interest. However, I do have to keep you up to date on the adoption though and unfortunately there is rarely much good news to post on that front these days. You'll just have to ride out the rough times with me I suppose for y'all want to know what the heck is going on! So my best advise is to pick a seat, strap yourselves in and hang on because it's gonna be a twisted, bumpy never ending roller coaster ride folks.
Anyway, the rumblings have begun again about this month's referrals. When are they arriving, who knows? How many days will the CCAA have matched this month? Who the heck knows... (heck is my word for the day if you haven't already figured out) Most people in the "circle" are throwing about the #2. Yup, that's right, "THEY" say that the CCAA has had another bad month. So far, it has taken the CCAA four months to match up to the 26th of October. (Just FYI, in 2005 the CCAA was matching a month's worth of files per month. Now, it is taking them a full month just to match two days worth.) So, if it took the CCAA all of April to match October 27 and 28th that means it will take them ANOTHER 2 MONTHS TO FINISH OCTOBER!! (people I'm talking October 2005 here - see how much they are back logged? Our LID is September 25, 2006. A long way to go huh!)
Now granted, rule of thumb is that October and November of any year has always been heavy months in terms of the total number of files logged in so naturally, it would take longer to match. So, one would hope that once the CCAA finishes up with November the number of matches per month should increase.
Well folks, that's the rumor rumble for today and should anything change you know I'll post.

Imagine this....

For those of you who are not adopting let's play a little game of sorts. I do believe this game of role playing will help you understand the emotions, frustrations and torment those who adopt feel. O.k., like I said, imagine you are me. Youv'e decided to adopt and have chosen China. You are all excited and are bursting to talk about it all the time. I mean excited! Any poor soul that stands still long enough is fair game. I mean so excited about your baby that you would even talk to a stump; you just don't care. Ahhh, but wait, you experience your first emotional crash when you get tangled up with Social Services. They try everything in the book to tempt you out of IA. You, being so excited, will not waiver from China. You've done all your research, have decided that yes, you understand there are risks, are willing to deal with development/attachment issues etc. and your heart is still with China. As this point you get through all of the seamingly endless paper chases, medical appointments, fingerprinting etc and have arrived at your final destination! Your precious file has been sent to China! You have your Log in date! All through the process thus far people are getting excited along with you - for its just like you are pregnant. You are expecting. Everyone gathers around and fusses. They want to buy baby clothes, toys, help pick out names and you get all caught up in it too. With your covenanted LID (log in date) all you have to do now is wait. Some of you forge ahead (even though your wise Social Worker advised against getting too caught up in it - for you never know what could happen - you nod in agreement pretending to understand but in your mind you quickly dismiss her caution) and busily begin 'nesting'. You pick a name, choose and decorate a nursery and fill the closet with pretty, frilly things. Now, all you have to do is wait. Then, emotional crash number two happens. Your agency contacts you to advise that the wait will be a little longer than expected. You are miffed at first but quickly analyse it, hear the parts that you only want and shrug it off. Another couple of months, not too bad you decide. It only means you have a little more time to get ready. In the meantime, people ask when is the baby coming? You respond, "oh, a little bit longer than expected." You are answered with looks of confusion and so begins the replies (which you will soon come to dread) "oh, what's taking so long?" You shrug that off too refusing to get caught up in the negative. You trudge on waiting, still feeling like you are pregnant but not quite as some of the excitment has disappeared. You feel little nagging voices of 'what if' in the back of your mind but you refuse to listen. Then times moves on, people around you begin to ask less and less. Others close to you become pregnant and have their babies. You are excited for them but the little nagging "what if's" and "how come it's taking so long" are presistant and harder to stifle. Times goes on and again your agency contacts you to advise that the wait will likely increase yet again. You can't silence the nagging voices anymore. No one asks at all anymore. Deep down you are heartbroken. You don't understand yourself why this is happening. You no longer feel pregnant. You look at the nursery and feel like crying. You decide that you will look at other options. You explore other countries and you experience the last true emotional crash. Your agency tells you that you are "not allowed" to proceed with an interim adoption while waiting for China. (Imagine for a minute if you and your husband had actually gone through this for 3 years. How would you feel?) I'll tell you how you would feel. You are crushed and angry for all you want is to start a family. Social Services, the CCAA (China) and now your agency all control when and if you get to start a family. You come to the realization that you have no control.
Yet, there is hope. You won't/refuse to give up. You have fought so long for this baby and you will not abandon her. You hang on for dear life.

These are some of the emotions that many, if not, all adopting couples have to work through. I personally listened to my wise social worker and did not buy any baby items nor did I decorate a nursery. I did not allow anyone else to buy baby items either. For me, it would have been too hard if something happened. I'm glad I listened. I hope this has helped you understand.

You know, I often lose patience (and those that know me know that I have no time for stupid idiotic unfeeling people/questions) and have to remind myself that not many individuals realize the depth/emotion this adoption process takes on us. So please, when you do meet someone that is going through the process show some compassion and understanding. It is NOT an easy way to have children as you can see.

Hoping for better days ahead people so lets keep those fingers crossed.

A few of my favorite things

I've finally given up bashing poor old Mother Nature and realised that the delay of spring is just another thing that I needed to "wait" on. This of course got me to thinking. I decided that I had two options.

1. I could complain about the wait yet again but decided against it. Nope, gone are the days of the pity party for one. I decided that I use up way too much energy being grumpy about the 'wait'. You heard it here first folks "THAT WORD" will never be uttered from my cyber lips again. Frankly I'm tired and I'm getting fed up with myself moaning about THAT WORD. Somehow, I got whisked away from Delusion Island where it was all nice and warm. I'm sure THAT WORD did it to me! My friends, if you haven't already figured it out yet, to enter into this twisty turny world of adoption you need nerves of steele and the determination, drive and stubborness to match. You need to be Superman, only a woman! Gee, would that classify as Wonder Woman? Hmmmm... another post for another day perhaps.

OR

2. My mind wandered off to "things", and what do you sometimes do with things? Why, you put them on a list. So, in my attempt to become a positive, happy, contented individual during "THAT WORD" I decided to make a list of some of my favorite things.

I love chocolate (too much I'm afraid!), warm toasty fires, flannel pjs, dogs/puppies and wet sloppy puppy kisses. Which brings me to puppy breath and puppy yawns. I love books, onion rings, mysteries, movies, squeaky shoes ( Chinese baby shoes that have squeakers to help babies learn to walk), the first snow fall (Mother Nature, do you hear me?! I said the first not the 157th!), Christmas, growing things (plants, flowers, tomatoes - basically anything that's easy to grow that I can't kill), hearing the birds sing and cooking.

Most importantly, I cannot finish this list without adding my most favorite things in all the world. My dear family and friends that have shown and given so much support through "THAT WORD" so far. I have a deep love for China and Jade's birth mother. For without them we would not (eventually) have her. Lastly, "the hubby" for I couldn't do it without him. Who loves ya baby!

These, dear friends, are a few of my favorite things and I am grateful for each and every one of them.

Take care.

Excuse me Mother Nature but

have you forgotten us? Yoohoo! I'm over here in case you've missed me - ummm, wait now, perhaps I'll rephrase that - in case you've missed Newfoundland entirely!! It certainly seems that way. You know, they say that spring has sprung, well, I don't know where it has sprung but its not here on the rock that's for sure. Perhaps Spring is not in the plans for good 'ole NL this year. That's it, Mother Nature, by the time she got all around the world sprouting spring she was just too tired. That has to be it, she was too sprung out. What other reason could it be? I guess the poor tuckered out old girl figured NL could wait a bit longer, afterall, we on the rock are used to hardship, waiting( won't expand on that subject in adoption terms), being last on everyone's list and 'sucky', nasty weather. Mirror mirror on the wall, what kind of weather will it be for the rock a'tal? Well, I see cold and wind and fog and rain but not sunshine or spring at all!

Thanks a bunch Mother Nature! Next time you are in town don't bother to call, we'll be too busy to talk because either;

1. won't be able to see you for all the fog
2. will be all froze to death from the cold
3. too busy shovelling out from under all the surprise snow you dumped on us for May 24th.

By the way, if you happen upon Mother Nature give her a boot (you know where!) and tell her to smarten up! NL does exist and we want Spring dang nabit!

Its getting hairy out there in the adoption world people!

I don't know whats going on but the world as we know it in adoption circles is being turned upside down! O.k. lets do a recap as some of my loyal followers are not adopting.

The past couple of weeks I have seen, read or heard:

1. Japan has implemented "drop off hatches" for abandoned babies. Sounds horrible I know but it does make sense in a way. Some hospitals have put these outside their bldgs so that people can drop off their babies. It is in response to a high ratio of babies being abandoned in cars, parks, shops and even bicycle carts. This hatch is incubated and rigged so that when a baby is dropped off the alarm will sound to alert medical staff that they have a new arrival. They then retreive the baby, assess it, give it medical attention and then put it up for adoption. I wonder does that mean we will be able to adopt from there soon?

2. The CCAA is experiencing some kind of matching glitch (that's my spin on it)month to match 2 days worth of babies!? I don't even know what to think about that one so I'll just leave it be....

3. India is opening up to the western world for adoption. To date, to adopt from India you have to be of Indian decent. Thousand of babies are not being adopted and left in orphanages because of this. The Indian Government is looking to open the program to non Indians heavily recruiting in the US and Britain. I know for a fact that our agency is currently working with India for non Indians too. YAY for us! The Indian Govt. says that the adoption process will be MUCH shorter than China and that it will be open to singles. Great news all around I say!

4. Guatemala had its hands slapped. Govt. has been told to pull up its socks in terms or international adoption or they are going to shut it down. This does not apply to Canada as the program has been closed for years. Its a hard day when a country closes its doors to IA. Everyone loses but mostly the chldren.

5. Russia has stated that it will be closing its doors to USA agency facilitated adoption. There are reports of children being adopted in the past that have been abused, neglected and killed. This too is another sad day for everyone involved as I'm sure these cases of abuse etc. were few and far between. It does not affect Canada nor private USA adoptions.

All of this only reinforces that adopotion is not an easy road. Whoever said adoption was the easy way needs their head examined!

Take care everyone and lets all hope that the children affected in these changes are looked after to their best ability.

Little Ms. Brea

A couple of posts ago I talked about Brea, who was having some heart trouble. For those of you who were wondering about her I'm happy to report that she has received her new heart and is coming along well. She celebrated being 22 months old with a new heart on April 5th. Yay Brea!

What a lovely idea

In my rambling searches I came across a lady who, on every full moon lights a single candle for her baby's birth mother. What a nice tradition to incorportate into your baby's life when she arrives.