tough as nails

Babies often travel great distances, sometimes up to 8 hours, to meet their perspective parents. Often, it is a trip that takes place on a bus. For many of these babies it is the first time outside of the orphanage walls. They are bombarded with strange smells, sounds and sights. The orphanages they have left behind most likey have no indoor heating so the babies are bundled in layers upon layers of clothing so that only their little faces are exposed. During this trip the babies are often not fed or changed (remember the bus ride can be up to 8 hours) and many are sick to some extent with colds or will develop colds/respiratory issues soon after. They are confused, over stimulated, tired, hungry and wet.

It's gotcha day and parents are pacing, waiting. The babies arrive and a parental explosion of sorts occurs. Parental emotions run the gammet from crying, laughing, shouting and even to numbness. Their waiting has finally come to an end. All of this electricity is picked up by the babies. One by one names are called and babies are thrust into parents arms. Some babies heads have been shaved (often resembles a buzz cut). I assumed that this was done in some orphanages for health reasons such as to stop the spread of lice, but I have later read that some orphanages do this so that sick babies can be fed and given medications by IV attached through the head. Some babies refuse to look at their parents and are quiet while others cry for their care givers, heatbroken. Some babies can be quite charming, smiling and even giggling at their parents and everyone else around them. The parents don't care. They are happy just to have them in their arms. The babies are brought back to hotel rooms where parents can 'look them over'.

They begin by removing the layers of clothing. It is then that they notice the babies legs are tiny, almost spindle like. The legs and arms have little to no muscle tone. This is the result of a number of things. Chinese culture believes that babies are to be carried. They are NEVER put on the floor. For those in orphanages there are little or often no activities to engage them to develop their muscles. They are left in cribs for hours at a time often seeing the 'nanny' only when it is the scheduled feeding/changing times. There is no stimulation. Some babies develop extended stomachs commonly referred to as buddha bellies yet they are grossly underweight by western standards. This comes from lack of nutrition. Most babies are fed a hot thick bottle and sometimes a rice congee. They can come to you in split pants. The babies have never worn diapers. Many will refuse to eat,drink or mess their new diapers for the first day or so. This is an emotional roller coaster for parents. Baby emotions run the extreme. They will scream, cry, thrash or be expressionless or non responsive. A smile is nowhere to be found. The babies cannot sit up by themselves without help nor can some even hold their heads up on their own. This is termed as 'floppy'. Their fine and gross motor skills are delayed. At this point parents begin to wonder if their child is possibly autistic or has some undiagnosed medical issue. The babies can become easily over stimulated in chaotic situations (large crowds) and some develop tactile issues. (too many unfamiliar sights,sounds and smells for their little minds to process) In earlier adoption years head thrashing and finger gazing were all too common occurances in the babies. Head thrashing was a coping mechanism while finger gazing was a self-stimulation mechanism. They had nothing to look at in the crib except the movement of their fingers. They often gazed at the fingers for hours at a time. Many of these earlier babies had a turned eye. Often it was due to constant finger gazing. (Try it yourself. You'll see that you focus so intently on your fingers that your eyes turn inward). Finally, even though they are a year or more at Gotch'a day they are quite often on the development level and physically resemble a 6 month old.

It is day three and suddenly you see a light at the end of the tunnel. It comes in the form of a little smile, giggle or response to her name being called. All of a sudden she becomes upset if you are out of her sight. She cries and raises her arms to be held. She goes from almost delayed in appearance to making direct eye contact with you. She wants to be held constantly. You see that she can almost sit up by herself. She is starting to look around her environment more. She wants to eat and drink. She is beginning to walk with help and she starts to baby babble. There is more interaction and imitation which is often first witnessed when she blows her first raspberry. She smiles less around strangers and in their presence she will often cling to you for dear life.

This is known as transition behaviour. Up to this point babies are assessing their surroundings while living in self protection mode. As they become introduced to more of the outside world and all it has to offer it helps show them stability and safety. Food is also the key. Better food means better nutrition which equals safety. For the first time in their little lives their needs are being COMPLETELY met. They begin to catch up in their fine and gross motor skills and their social development improves.

Most, if not all of these babies will overcome their delays with good nutrition, stimulating environment and consistant phyiscal contact and attention. Some babies will need short term therapy to catch up.This is what many parents face when meeting and getting to know their babies during the first few days. A little daunting and overwhelming isn't it. Is it worth it? Without a doubt. Not all babies will have every one of these symptoms, instead they will have variations. One thing for certain is that the babies are all tough as nails and are suriviors. The coping mechanisms they learn at such a young age when everyone around them is certain they are so fragile is impressive and amazing. Each and every baby is a blessing.